We Never Stop

So this week has been half term and, as I mentioned in my last post, I try to cram in as much as I can when I'm off. I think this stems from the bucket load of guilt I carry around with me every day I'm at work; it ranges from feeling like a rubbish mum because I should have prepared a filling and balanced breakfast (as opposed to the piece of cold toast Small Boy chose), to missing out on an ideal outdoor day because I'm working. I'm thinking this is mainly because nice outdoor days don't come around very often! But I do feel like I'm constantly on the 'I'll-make-it-up-to-them' carousel. 

You know what I mean; I guess most parents do. It's not as if every single day can be full of exciting excursions to various fun, yet educational, visits to new family-friendly places because, for a start, they usually cost a fortune. And the main reason being that normal life seems to get in the way, I've managed to convince myself that this is a huge flaw in my parenting. As a result of this, every school holiday results in exhaustion from start to finish as I fulfil my quest to become guilt free. Except it isn't fulfilled, I always end up feeling worse and up until today I've not been able to put my finger on quite why this is.

It's so simple: I'm feeling guilty because we never stop and look at the here and now. I suppose I've never really considered that the mundane day to day things we do are actually experiences too. So today we changed our plans; we actually cancelled our plans for the day when Small Boy refused to get off the sofa (so although it sounds like I had a moment of enlightenment this wasn't actually the case) and sat down. 

It's funny, when we're forced into doing something our automatic reaction is to fight against it but when it's a 3 year old there really isn't an awful lot that can be done. Well, there is forcing them to get changed out of their Storm Trooper costume and into regular clothes and then pinning them into their car seat, but that's not a great start to the day for anyone. Today was supposed to be a 'fun' day (we know that standing outside waiting in queues and having to use a portaloo with a child is not actually fun) and a stage show involving Mr Bloom; instead we traded it in for playing with trains, megablocks, drums and watching Shrek. Suprisingly, we traded it in for actually having fun instead of telling ourselves that we were having fun. 

So I've decided that I'm going to make notice of the times I feel guilty during the day and think about what the actual issue is. So far today:

Smallest Boy didn't have his teeth brushed until 10am.

Smallest Boy had to sit in his play pen whilst Small Boy threw the ball for the furbaby (Smallest Boy sees it as a challenge to race against the furbaby for the ball, it never ends well). 

Small Boy watched tv for a lot longer than I usually allow.

Smallest Boy got excited when Waybaloo came on CBeebies, he shouldn't have a preference over tv shows at 11 months (in my mind).

Small Boy had sausages for the second day in a row.

Both boys didn't have much fresh air today

Bedtime was an hour later than usual due to our routine being out of kilter.

And do you know what? It's absolutely fine! No one is any worse off for it. I have learned that my cooking skills still require improvement and that I really shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen; that the level of mess whether out of the house or in the house does not change; and that Smallest Boy has a passion for climbing (on everything, my fitness levels should have improved today!). So it's not really about doing it's about appreciating. Of course I knew this before, I just don't think I ever considered it on a day to day basis. I applied it more to things like firsts, new things, unusual things and one-offs. 

And now I'm going to appreciate a giant bag of Wispa bites and a hot cup of tea.  All to myself. 

I'll tackle the carnage that is my living room tomorrow.